In Which I Run, A Lot, From Lunatics, by Ash
by Meredith T. Tasaki
Summary: Another insane fic. Ash has to write an essay to get into the Pokemon League, and decides to write about the events of the previous day....


In Which I Run--A Lot--From Lunatics  
  
--By Ash Ketchum  
  
Since WHEN do you need to write an ESSAY to get into the POKEMON LEAGUE?!  
  
Lorelei: Since Lance got drunk last year at the Christmas party.  
  
Misty: The Elite Four Leader got _drunk?!_  
  
Agatha: Don't ask. Do NOT ask.  
  
I won't.  
  
Misty: Well, _I_ WILL!  
  
Could you take it somewhere else? I'm tryin' to write here!  
  
Misty: Geeze, don't get so touchy! Just 'cos you can't write--  
  
Brock: Don't get him mad or we'll NEVER get out of here in time for curfew!  
  
It's three o'clock! Whaddaya guys THINK, I'm a MORON?...  
  
...  
  
You're taking way too long to answer that.  
  
Brock: Eh heh, of COURSE not! We'll just leave you to write.  
  
Pikachu: Ash, don't listen to 'em. You'll do _fine_.  
  
Okay. Thanks Pikachu.  
  
Pikachu: No prob.  
  
Um... Okay... what the heck do I write about?!  
  
Pikachu: Um... What about something interesting that happened to us? Like when you were the Chosen One? That might impress them.  
  
Why would it _impress_ them? Besides, I don't want them to know too much about Lugia. They know too much already.  
  
Pikachu: Yeah. What about that time we met Mew and Mewtwo?  
  
They'd think I was nuts!  
  
Pikachu: Yeah... Dang... What else is there?...  
  
Oh! How about what happened when I came here this year?  
  
Pikachu: What the heck. Can't hurt.  
  
All right...  
  
Well, I was coming into Indigo Plateau, because I wanna compete, 'cos I'm gonna be the best Pokemon Master ever!!! Mua ha ha ha ha!! Eat THAT Gary!!  
  
Pikachu: Er, you might wanna cut the ego.  
  
Oops. Sorry. So, you know that little hill on the road, right before you come in view of the stadium?  
  
Pikachu: You're lucky this isn't gonna be graded. They'd give you a D.  
  
But they're gonna read this.  
  
Pikachu: Reading for fun, and character, is different than reading for grades. Trust me on this one.  
  
That's not good... Oh well. Anyway, I came into view of the stadium. I stood there, looking at the place where I would rise to excellence--  
  
Pikachu: --ego--  
  
--er, the place where I would compete. It glittered in the sun, quite pretty actually. For a building, that is. So next thing I hear, Misty says something I can't repeat.  
  
Pikachu: They've heard it before.  
  
Mom always says that's no reason to say it. She says cussing is a sign of stupidity. That doesn't say much for Misty, ha ha.  
  
Pikachu: Well, you shouldn't really swear, but I wouldn't say it's a sign of _stupidity_... Oh, whatever. Just write.  
  
So Misty points right above the stadium, and I'm looking for Team Rocket's balloon or something, but Misty says, "The banner, Ash, the BANNER!" So I look at the banner, and it says, "The Ash Ketchum and Pikachu Fan Club". Well, it was kinda nice to know that SOMEONE recognized our eternal coolness--  
  
Pikachu: Ash. Ego.  
  
Again?!  
  
Pikachu: Read that last bit.  
  
AAGH!! I sound like GARY!!! Gaah gaah gaah I'm unclean!  
  
Pikachu:....Don't spaz out on me, Ash.  
  
Okay... I think I have it now....  
  
Anyway, the banner really freaked me out. Brock says the same thing Misty said, except without cussing-- "What the heck?!" and I wanna say that too but I'm a little busy.  
  
Pikachu: Um, careful with the suspense thing there Ash.  
  
Ok. I'm busy running like heck from this _mob_ of _girls_! They're all _screaming_ and junk! Like a lot of them are yelling, "PIKACHU!!!" but what REALLY gets me are the ones yelling MY NAME!   
  
Pikachu: Yeah, it was scarier than that Elton John milk ad.  
  
Oh yeah, man, that was SCARY! I had nightmares for WEEKS! It was that _look_ on his face... Eeeeee...  
  
Pikachu: Don't remind me.  
  
So anyway, these girls are running towards me, and I'm running away, and Brock is crying, and Misty is... How did you say it, Pikachu... Oh yeah! Expressing doubts about the mob's mental stability. Actually she was yelling that they had to be _nuts_, chasing _me_.  
  
Pikachu: I think they figured that out.  
  
They're making me write this junk, they can't be THAT smart. No offense!!  
  
Anyway, we're still running, and Pikachu is trying to Thundershock them all. Brock's running behind the mob, crying for one of 'em to pay attention to _him_. It was kinda pathetic, but I was too busy running to think about it. So then we fell into a pit.  
  
"Ha ha ha! Prepare for trouble!"  
  
"Make it double!"  
  
I nearly cry with relief, it's Team Rocket!   
  
"Team Rocket," I yell, "You can _have_ Pikachu, just take me too!"  
  
They're silent for a minute, probably wondering what the heck's going on, and then I hear _another_ voice.  
  
"They're trying to hurt Ashie-chan!"  
  
"And Pikachu!" says another girl.  
  
"They--shall--PAY!! YAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" they yelled. "FEEL THE WRATH OF THE FANGIRLS!!"  
  
Team Rocket screams in horror, I really feel sorry for them. The whole mob's attacking 'em, and that can't be fun.   
  
"Quick! Pull the cord!" Jessie yells.  
  
I dunno what she's talking about, but there's a loud WHOOSH of air and they scream, "Thank goodness Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaiiiinnn!" and there's a ding.  
  
Then the fangirls jump in the pit yelling junk like "Ashie-chan! Are you all right? Here, I bet a kiss will make it better!" and me and Pikachu scream. I dive down to the bottom of the pit and start tunneling like crazy, praying to get away from them, and Pikachu jumps from my shoulders and helps. We're just barely in front of them and I tunnel up eventually cause I need some air.  
  
So, as luck would have it, I pop up in front of Misty who looks really mad at something then sees me and asks, "Ash! What the heck--"  
  
I interrupt her and yell, "Misty save me!! Please for the love of mercy I need help! Save me from the insane women!"  
  
Misty thinks a second and sighs, she says, "Ash Ketchum, you owe me big for this," and all of a sudden she dips me down and kisses me right on the MOUTH! I'm scared, I think she's insane too but I don't have time to argue, the girls are coming up from the hole.  
  
Pikachu: That was a good idea Misty had. Me, I just ran 'till I found a Pokemon and tried to look cute and romantic. Pikacha was very understanding.   
  
Anyway the girls run up and start crying, "Waaah, he has a girlfriend, I wanna diiiiee!" I'm literally saying a prayer in my head becuase I'm pretty sure I'm safe now. Then Brock walks up.  
  
"Misty? Ash?! What the heck are you doing?!" he says.  
  
"They're together, I thought you knew," says someone.  
  
"No they're not! They argue like everything! Maybe in a few years but--"  
  
"YES!!" the mob cries. Misty drops me to the ground and says, "Sorry, I tried, if you get out alive I _still_ want my bike you moron, bye!" and she runs off before she has to face the wrath of the mob.   
  
I notice Pikachu's gone and they're coming towards me again and I run like heck, reminding myself to KILL Brock for this. I wonder if I can try attacking them with my Pokemon, it doesn't seem right for Pokemon to attack people but I'm not sure they _are_ people. Most of my Pokemon would just be kicked around like soccer balls. I think of Noctowl but remember it fainted fighting Samurai, that crazy kid I met in Viridian a long time ago. At least Pikachu fried his Pokemon... But I don't _have_ Pikachu and I really think I may be in danger of my life.  
  
I run through my Pokemon list again, but it's hopeless. Chikorita, maybe, but no, she'd just join them. They're starting to catch up with me and I scream, praying someone, something will save me from these freaky women.  
  
Suddenly, in a flash, Mewtwo, Lugia, and Moltres appear. They take one look at the girls and scream like crazy and disappear.  
  
"Cowards!" I yell hoarsely.  
  
I see a Drowzee in the side of the road, apparently it understood my situation because I suddenly appeared somewhere else. I could still hear them though and I knew I didn't have much time. So I grabbed for anything in my backpack. I found a tent which I draped over me and I tied a towel around my head, covering everything but my eyes.  
  
The mob runs up and blinks at me. They look around at the mountains, and I see that someone's head is sticking out of a cave.  
  
The women start yelling a lot of words that I don't know but am pretty sure are very bad. "It's Osama!! That little--" and then they started cussing and yelled, "Let's get him!!"  
  
This guy looked scared and all the girls ran up there and started beating him up with weapons I've never even seen MISTY use, so they must've been BAD. I take the opportunity to run like everything and I make it to the Pokemon Center.  
  
Misty, Brock, and Pikachu are still there, and Misty sees me. "ASH!" she yells. "What the heck are you wearing?! Oh well, 'tleast you're alive!"  
  
She hugs me and for a second I'm afraid she's gonna kiss me again, I dunno why, but she doesn't and I sigh happily. We get a room in the very back of the Pokemon Center. Then today I came here to register and you know the drill. Welcome, you're returning, write an essay. Right now I'm still hoping those insane people don't come after me again, I think I'd kill myself, but I guess I wouldn't.   
  
Pikachu: They think you're cute.  
  
Cute? ME? I'm not cute!  
  
Pikachu: Actually, from what I understand of you people, you really _are_ starting to get cute.  
  
But Misty says--  
  
Pikachu: She's covering her butt. I bet she thinks you're cute.  
  
Oh lord.  
  
Pikachu: She wouldn't join that mob though. She has too much dignity.  
  
Thank God!!  
  
Pikachu: Someday, Ash, you'll start thinking differently.  
  
Oh boy. Not Brock's "Someday you'll understand" speech.  
  
Pikachu: Well, you will, get over it.  
  
So until I find a girlfriend I should wear a Gary mask?  
  
Pikachu: What's that noise?  
  
We're running to the window, and there's a-- There's a CROWD of girls with a banner! It says, "The Gary Oak Fan Club," and I'm hearing Gary scream, "Whoa! Don't trample me, don't trample me!"  
  
Pikachu: There must be a club every day of the week! You better beware of Tuesdays, Ash!  
  
So the mask would be a bad idea.  
  
Pikachu: Yep.  
  
Well, I guess that's the end of this essay, thank GOD. Hey Brock! Hey Misty! It's five o'clock and guess who's finished?! YES! ME! And guess what Brock? I just remembered something! I _STILL_ have to kill you!!  
  
~*~ The End ~*~  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own them. Too bad. Ash's cu-- *slaps herself upside the head* I just stole this off of Lance's desk, I'll put it back. He'll never know, he's too drunk... ^^ 


End file.
